Our parents influence our career choices, like it or not

Our parents influence our career choices, one way or another.

That’s what I was mulling over at the weekend, after reading a story about Blue Ivy, the daughter of Beyonce and Jay Z.

I also learnt a new term: “Nepo Babies”. It comes from ‘Nepotism’, a common practise in the Catholic church, that saw popes grant influential positions to their nephews (or ‘nepos’ in latin).

But let’s go back to Blue Ivy. At the age of 13 (and that wasn’t even her first performance), she danced alongside her mum on the opening night of the ‘Cowboy Carter’ tour.

Blue Ivy isn’t the first Nepo Baby, and she won’t be the last.

I’ll leave you to decide if you want to further read the views of industry experts on the children of celebrities, who find themselves catapulted in the world of film, music or fashion.

What I’m more interested in though, is to look into how we choose between following our parents’ footsteps and carving our own path.

Because like it or not, our parents have an influence on our career choices.

So what motivates either choice?

As we grow up, we gradually detach ourselves from our mum and dad.

This is a universal and immemorial process, as it is integral to who we are as humans: we all go through the need to leave home, physically and/or metaphorically, to test ourselves through our struggles - and in doing so, to become an adult.

And through this process, we somehow either choose to stay close to our parents’ path, or we go off the parental beaten track.

Sometimes we end up in the same job as our dad or our mum, perhaps we work in the family business (I’m thinking of the TV series The Outlaws, from Stephen Merchant, where one of the characters works at his dad’s firm).

Sometimes we forge our own professional path, with varying degrees of separation between our occupation and the ones of our parents.

Each choice, like anything, has its pros and cons, and there is not one better than the other.

The only caveat for me would be that it’s a great choice, as long as it’s yours and that it gives you a sense of satisfaction and fulfilment.

Let’s look at two rather different scenarios to illustrate my point.

I picked up the first type of jobs and studies that came to mind, feel free to substitute with any other ones if it helps.

In the first scenario, imagine going for accountancy studies because your dad is an accountant and he told you that’s a good career to pursue: it pays well and it typically provides a stable income over time. You may have to change companies now and then, but there’s a steady demand for this type of job.

You’re OK with maths and numbers and you’re confident that you can get the grades, but you’d rather be in a care profession like nursing. You settle however for a career in accountancy as it feels safer and it pays better.

What do you think your life will be like?

Getting up every single day of the week to go and work at something that your heart is not in?

How will you feel at the end of the week, the month, the year, the lifetime until you retire?

In the second scenario, you decide to do anything but what your parents did, as you can’t stand the idea of copying them. Anything. But you haven’t got the faintest clue of what that could look like. So you go for what your best mate is going for, or you pick something that sounded vaguely interesting when visiting a career’s fair.

You start the studies and you realise that it’s not your cup of tea. You struggle as you can’t find a connection with what you’re learning. You become easily discouraged and you fail at the first hurdles. You start feeling like a nobody, you begin to doubt yourself, you may even spiral into anxiety and depression.

What do you think happened in both scenarios?

For one, it shows that we do not operate in a vacuum - the choices we make are in part driven by  our environment, our upbringing and other influences. As a child, the relationship we have with our parents has a huge influence on what we will want to do when we grow up.

Choosing your profession is right up there with choosing a partner, it’s one of the biggest choices you’ll ever make.

Granted, the idea of having the same job for life now belongs to another era, the archives or a museum.

And yes, we all make mistakes and we can always correct course along the way.

But how much better would it be if you started on your path with confidence and clarity?

I strongly believe - wait, I’m passionate about this - that the best way to future proof your decision is through the awareness, understanding and mastery of your natural strengths.

Imagine having opted for a career path once you’ve discovered what you’re naturally great at, what you enjoy doing, what feels effortless, like you can do it with your eyes closed.

Imagine having identified the type of work where you can make the best use of your strengths.

Imagine studying for this type of role and enjoying it.

Imagine landing interviews and getting picked for the job, as it was a breeze for you to show how well you are suited for that job, as the job is suited to you.

Wouldn’t you prefer that for a start of your adult life?

Being a Nepo Baby or not, Blue Ivy will succeed as an adult if what she does is something she’s naturally good at, and something she enjoys.

She may well have had a leg up from her parents, but equally she will grow up in the limelight, with an army of critics at the ready to bring her down in flames.

Her success will be rooted in her self awareness, her self determination and her self esteem.

And that’s the same for all of us, whether we have rich and influential parents or not.

If this has ignited a spark, let’s have a conversation.

I’ll be able to show you how my mentoring services can help you (or a dear one) find the path that is right for you.

Until then,

Shine your Own Light!